Bye Bye Boys!!!

OK... decided to try something a little different this time. I took the camera with me and recorded some random moments of thought during the day of her Orchiectomy.



So... here you go folks...

Becuase I am an idiot, I forgot to upload the first video, so it becomes PART 0



PART 1



PART 2



PART 3



PART 4 (The Last One.. i promise...



I apologize for the low audio in some parts... turn up your volume a little bit. I'm going to probably do a typed blog on Sunday if I can get a little rest between now and then... I'm pushing 40 hours since I got up yesterday, so I think it's time to go sleepy time now :)

Back on the path again

OK, after an extended absence I have come back to posting here.

Nothing bad happened, we're still together and life is going on as planned... or so we like to tell ourselves.

I'm working in a local salon, so that is one thing off the list of problems, and we have both been working together to resolve the little crap between us that seems to cause the arguements. Actually, I have to say, we haven't had a really good go at it in over a month now. The personal life is getting better, just about communication is all.

Now on to the big news.

After a lot of looking around in the TG community, she decided to make her next step an orchectomy. Better known as castration. While it isn't a complete answer to where she wants to be right now, it is a step in that direction. After a lot of research on my part and talking to people who have been through it on her part, she settled on Dr. Kimmel in Philadelphia, PA:

Dr Murray H. Kimmel
2301 Pennsylvania Ave
Philadelphia, PA 19130
phone: (215) 563-0847
FAX: (215) 568-4881

With my medical background, I am fortunate to be able to know what to look for and who to ask when it comes down to the questions that have no easy answers for the uninformed. I know that most doctors have some little marks here and there, especially ones who perform procedures like this. If you find someone and aren't sure how they look professionally, I would STRONGLY suggest you get all the information on them that you can locate, and then take it to your primary care physician and ask him/her what their opinion of the doctor of choice is.

While we found a variety of post-op opinions, the majority seemed to indicate that the 24-48 hours after the procedure were the worst. I guess we'll find out. I know that Dr. Kimmel will give great follow up instructions and that her primary care provider here at home is on board and able to help out as well so that we would not ahve to travel back down to PA if there was a potential problem after the fact.

I may or may not be able to post more this week and into next, but am planning to take my laptop with me and see if I can post from Philly while we're there.

I am also working on a couple projects from video she took when she had the breast augmentation done as well. Hope to have that up here before too much longer. It's amazing how much you have to cram into a day when you're working full time, but then again, I wouldn't trade it for not working unless I was getting some serious money for free :)

More as it rolls in.

It's Been a While

Honestly, I stopped blogging about this journey because it was getting rather rocky. I was getting to the point where I wondered if it would even continue. I can't blame it on her o the hormones or anything else for that matter. It really comes down to a combination of things.

That being said, I think that we have reached a new milestone in a good way.

Yesterday, she spoke at a local Transgender forum and it went really well.

I know that she wasn't suer about it before hand, but even though this was a different crowd than she was used to, she still worked the crowd like a pro.

What really got me was the fact that in front of everyone, she told me how much she loved me and thanked me for going through this with her.

I guess until that point, I was really unsure of how things were going to progress. We had been dealing with a lot of different things since the augmentation had really settled in. Now, I am sure that we are going down the right road and going down it together is the right thing to do.

I know that this is a tough time for both of us, being as we are both out of work and basically end up spending all day every day together... it makes it a little tougher.

So if anyone reading this happens to have a decent paying job opportunity in Central NY, drop me a line :)

Have a good day, hope to blog more soon.

Self Esteem Monster Still Lurks

Yep. And the more I look around, the more revalent this concern seems to be. I guess if you have spent most of your life not being happy with your body, a little thing like a breast augmentation and being on hormones is not going to be a magic wand. Let's face it. If you spend twenty-some years hating your body because it isn't right, that becomes a daily habit, and unfortunately, as we all know, bad habits can be very hard to break.

It isn't that people want to be disappointed or unhappy with their 'new' body, but by the same token, sometimes people just don't know how else to be. It is a learned condition that doesn't just go away when you wake up after some surgery. Low self esteem and poor self image is something that needs to be properly addressed and treated like any other illness is treated. It is, after all, a mental illness and needs to be treated like one.

People will say that you have this great body and you should be happy with it, and that is true, to an extent. Again, we are not hitting the root of the problem, which is a deep seated, underlying feeling that your body is not right and that you do not like it the way it is.

As a smoker who has tried repeatedly over the years to quit (unsuccessfully most of the time as I am smoking a cigarette right now) I know how hard it is to get rid of a learned behavior, and mine is in no way as deeply ingrained as something like self image and such.

If you take the time to really get to know someone who is transitioning, you will likely see two sides to this person. A public persona that is happy and tickled pink with their new body, and the private side, where they are unable to let go of the mental scarring that has built up over the years of feeling that their body was wrong and imperfect.

I wish I had a better answer, because the real crux here is that you can not tell a person that they need to see a mental health professional for something like this. Some may already be in counseling for their transition, but for those who are not, the healing can not start until they admit that there is a problem and seek help for it.

All we, as partners or friends, can do is to be there and be supportive. That and pray to whatever higher power you believe in and hope that things will work out eventually.

Almost 4 months out

Well... we got this far. Things are going well. The implants have settled and are looking great. I wasn't too sure how it would be in the intimacy department, but I have to say that I really am impressed. Even though the implants had to go in through the nipple/areola area, her nipples are beginning to resensitize and regain their feeling, which makes playing with them more fun.

For the record, I started out with women, and am aware of what breasts are and how to properly utilize them during intimate sequences... I hope that is enough of political correctness and PG13-ness for you all.

Some things really haven't changed. We still deal with the mood swings, but we are learning more about ourselves on this travel through transition. Not only are we learning how to get along better with her mood swings, but we are also learning how my bi-polar disorder affects things and how the two things interact.

I am routinely thankful that we have such good friends. Especially the ones we play cards with every Friday, and the friends we go see during the week.. one of whom also is bi-polar and has been a great friend to help explain to her why I am the way I am.

Sometimes things just work out better when a good friend tells one half of the relationship something that the other half has been saying for a long time.

I have some good shots that I would love to post, but I am not sure of how Blogger will take that, so I will have to see what I can do for you all. I am going to drop a couple PG13 shots here so that you can see where she is at now, so enjoy!!

Three Months out

Here we are, 3 months post op and things are going well. The implants are settling properly and look very natural now. They do feel a little different than 'natural' breasts, but they are still a lot of fun.

How has this changed the realtionship?? Well, it has. What is has done is put us in a posiion where we have to re-evaluate how we interact. Two men in an intimate relationship is very different from a pre-op transsexual with a breast augmentation, and even more different than a full post-op transsexual (which she will be in the next 5 or 6 years at most.)

I know that I have not posted in a while, but unfortunately, I have been forced to drop my internet service while I am looking for work. Anyone who would like to contribute is more than welcome. PayPal is a wonderful thing. Not that I expect to get replies, but hey, you never know.

I will try to keep this updated as often as I can for you out there, and as always, if you have questions, comments or thoughts that you would like to see addressed in future posts, please feel free to drop me a line.

Thanks for reading and my best to you all.

She's Home... and a few other notes

Sorry for the delay. Some random acts of vandalism left a whole bunch of people in the hood without cable/internet. Everything is going well and I hope to be back online again in a couple weeks to give you all the update on post surgery :) Hope you all had a great holiday and here's to a GREAT new year.